I highly doubt anybody really remember this blog anyway, though apparently it gets a single view every other day – which is a very questionable view.

This was fun when it first started, but now it’s been practically a year unblogged. A year full of really good coffee, and lots and lots of change. I hope everyone will be able to experience the same change I’ve had, as it’s brought me some beautiful conversations and amazing perspective on lots of subjects in the world. I expected college to be an eye-opening experience, but here I am sitting here still wondering how I actually spent a year away and feeling better about life than before. Sure there are lots and lots of ups and downs, but when it comes down to it, I’m pretty happy. I have great, amazing friends. I have an extremely loving family (who shows their love through holding onto my freedom as tight as they can!). And finally, I have a path in front of me that I’ve built for myself to try my best to follow. I’ll probably get lost a lot on the way to whatever goal I feel is right, but that’s the beauty of things.

Here I am now, having experienced so much. I feel whole perspective might have changed. College really opens you up to the world. I have so many subjects I need to focus on, from saving money and getting a good education, to staying social and happy in life. This is reality, people. And it’s not even real reality, yet. I’m still living off my parents and financial aid, coming back to a “home” during breaks and a weekend or two. Part of me really can’t wait until I have my own home, my own place to come back to, or to never leave.

Classes? They aren’t exactly the best. I’ve always struggled with learning and education. It’s always like walking underwater for me, I have to go at it slow and steady. But in the end, I’m proud of my achievements. I always end up doing the best I can, and really accepting it.

Social life? I guess I have one now. I transitioned from the quiet-needs-to-get-to-know-you-first kid, to, being rather open from the start. I’m still a bit cautious around people, but it doesn’t last very long. I was just telling my friend last night how I’ve changed when it comes to being social. College has allowed me to be more open, more myself. But hey, I can actually converse with people. I’ve met so many new and wonderful people. Santa Cruz is really one of the friendliest and possibly happiest places to be.

Creativity? I’ve lost in touch with my creative side a little, unfortunately. I mean, I’ve still been creative. I still doodle. I also decorate my room in random ways. However, I haven’t designed much, made much art, or really had any inspiration. I was forced to make an experience poster for one of my classes, and it felt so wrong. It felt like I was shoving my talent into something I didn’t want to make. But I feel artsy again lately. I redesigned my portfolio just recently, and I’ve made yet another random short film. It seems these films help me pick up on being creative and break through that artist’s block I get a lot.

Dorm life? I really love my dorm. Absolutely. Sure, it’d be great to have my own personal bathroom, but aside from that, my room is my sanctuary. It’s become my favorite place to be. I’ve decorated it in such a way that I can actually breathe and be at peace after a busy day. And my hallmates have been the best bunch of film-lovers. Being in a film/digital media hall really has its perks. There’s always something that you share in common with people, be it a favorite good movie, or a favorite book.

Speaking of books, I’ve finally read a bunch this week. One book was from my Summer ’10 list, like No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July, which I loved. It was really interesting, I like good short stories. I also just finished Shoplifting from American Apparel by Tao Lin, and am starting his other book, Richard Yates. His writing style is very different, and is starting to make me think a little differently, perhaps more straightforward. It’s been a bit difficult to read his writing for a long period of time, though. Miranda July’s writing was much more smooth and fluid. I’ve yet to be able to really describe Tao Lin’s writing style.

So, I’ll be returning to the college life once more, and I’ll probably end up not writing in this blog until summer time again. It’s hard to keep up with a blog when you’re at college. I’ve still been writing, of course, just more personal writings that I have in a private journal, elsewhere. I guess I can never stop writing, it’s something that’s really important to me. Writing helps get out your thoughts, your feelings. It’s a way to clear your mind, and help yourself be at ease.

Also, it’s springtime! This spring is going to be a brilliant one, I just know it.

I move in to college pretty soon. It’s a little scary to think about it. In a few days, I won’t have my own room, a place I consider a sanctuary at all times. I’ll be living in a new city, a beautiful one, but a new one. I’ll be learning new, different things, expanding my perspectives beyond the education I received in high school. I’ll be experiencing new, and different things as well. I’ll be meeting new people, making new friends. So much new. It’s really terrifying and awful, both the positive and negative definitions of those two adjectives.

I really don’t know what to expect. It’s a big step for me. High school was a big step. Socially, especially. I spent half of high school being incredibly shy. Slowly but surely, I’ve been able to crawl out of the shell I had built myself years prior. And really, even now, I still find communication difficult. I’m what some call “socially awkward” – but I’m trying to fix that. I don’t know how I will act when I’m presented college experiences, how I’ll act when meeting new people constantly, or how I’ll act when given difficult tasks to complete. Would I be the same as I was in freshman year? Or maybe, I’ll be able to be bigger than that, stronger than I used to be. It all worries me as much as it worries me to leave my room, my family, my friends behind, for a new life, it seems.

But I want it. I do want to start this new life. I want to meet new people, and I’d like to believe that things can be less difficult for me socially. I suppose this entry is another rant of some sort. Most are. This blog is really just one of the ways I can write out my frustrations… as well as make money… (from…those ads… over there… cough).

Anyway, I hope you, reader, are having a lovely day, and don’t completely judge me based on this journal entry. But if I ever am socially awkward, respect and accept! As one should with most people-related issues.

So, graduation. It was hot, not too hot, but hot. I felt it passed by way too quickly. But it was good. I graduated. I was happy. It felt strange to think that I won’t ever be in high school again. That I went to high school, not go. Right? It’s strange. But a relief. I’m now a college freshman, I’m about to start a new chapter in my life. New experiences. It’s scary, really. I expect things to be different. I’m hoping to meet new people, make new friends, all that. I wonder what kind of friends I’ll have this time next year. What kind of things I’ll be doing the summer after my freshman year. What kind of new experiences will I have gone through? We’ll see I guess. I wonder if I’ll still be blogging then.

After graduation I got sick with something cold-like. I got better and enjoyed going out with friends a bit (feeling a little on a leash with the amount my parents let me get out) I got sick again the next week (last week) with a flu-like sickness. Fevers and such. Really wasn’t that great of a summer experience. I did go running last Monday though. I like to think that I run, when really I rarely do. I want to, just lack motivation. It was a nice run, but getting sick right after it sucked. Someone told me maybe it was a sign my body doesn’t need running. But really now, I think it does. I felt really great right after it, really healthy. And trust me when I say, I don’t really eat all that healthy. I try, but I should really eat more fruit. I like fruit, but again, I’m kind of lazy… But I have a high metabolism. I don’t know if I should consider it a good thing, seeing as sometimes I feel so scrawny. But I suppose it’s better than being obese? Eventually I’ll need to start watching how and what I eat, cause it’s all going to catch up to me. This paragraph definitely turned into a rant.

Aside from being randomly sick sometimes, I’m enjoying summer. It’s… summer. I’m trying to get a job, applying to some places. Hopefully I get in somewhere. I’d love to work in a friendly environment. Like a bookstore, or a cafe. We’ll see how that goes, I guess. Have a good summer whoever reads my blog entries. :)

After visiting Santa Cruz yesterday, things look different now. I visited Porter and Kresge College, my top two choices in UCSC. UCSC has a 10-college system; you affiliate yourself with a college, not based on strictly your major, but rather your interests, what you want your community to be, and your housing. I originally was leaning towards Kresge, because of the apartments and writing aspect. I also liked the idea of “Power and Representation” (it’s core course/theme) – but this was all text. Things I’ve read, people’s stereotypes and bias opinions. During the recent tour, we only saw a few colleges, not all of them, or the ones I really was considering. Yesterday, I saw those two colleges, and Porter just turned me around. Now, it was a weekend, it was quiet, barely anybody was walking around like they had been during the tours. I’m not completely sure why, but this may have affected my opinion.

My opinion is biased as most are. I liked Porter because it was more alive than Kresge. I’m sure next year if anybody reads my blog and reads this entry (Oh hi future friend!) they might disagree with me, or think I’m being stupid. Sorry, this is my view. Or maybe, I felt more alive at Porter. It just seemed so much more friendly and colorful. It is supposed to be the ‘artsy’ college. Kresge was artsy too, but in a different way. I felt more in touch with nature at Kresge, but I didn’t want that. That would be a huge transition for me. Porter felt like the transition itself, a mix between suburban sidewalks and mauled to death by redwood trees. Kresge felt too quiet, almost eerie. It felt like everyone was in their apartments, living. Which is fine, but I suppose at Porter there was a little more life. Even then it was quiet, again, maybe it was the weekend? Or maybe sometime big was going on that I didn’t know about. Oh, and I do know there is some construction, and probably will last through next year, but I don’t mind. I would mind sharing a room with someone (something that was a little tiny bit less likely at Kresge, just a little) – but I’ll get through it. I’m not going to be anti-social again. I’ll try hard.

So, college-wise I’ve decided: 1) Porter, 2) Kresge, 3) College 9, 4) College 10, College 8. I originally had Crown in there, but I’ve considered it, and realized it’ll lead me to being more anti-social. I want some fun at college, and Crown may be fun, but I feel like it’ll be too similar to the life I’m living now. (Again, sorry if I’m disrespecting any future friends who go to any of these or any colleges)

After my visits, I went to downtown Santa Cruz, and I freaking loved it. That life I saw a glimpse of at Porter was all over the place in downtown. I know I’ll be there a lot throughout next year. At first we went to a nice restaurant called Kianti’s (it reminded me a bit of Tomatina in Dublin) at which I had garlic cheese bread and a custom pepperoni-sausage-tomato calzone. So good! Then me and the parents walked further down Pacific Ave, visited some stores, and then went to a nice little Café called “Cafe Delmarette” – I got myself a Cafe Latte and Strawberry Scone:

[View more photos from my Santa Cruz trips on Flickr...]

The scone was amazing, the Cafe Latte (saturated in sugar as usual) was yummy too! I’ll have to get the Mocha next time I’m there, and other items off the menu. Definitely revisiting that place again! All in all, Pacific Ave was amazing. I’m hoping to visit more before I actually live in Santa Cruz. I think going here again really has helped me like it more.

• Sleep.
• Visit UCSC & UCSC Bioengineering School.
• Sleep.
• Sleep.
• Read Beloved.
• Do 2+ hours worth AP Calculus practice tests/homework.
• Do other fun and exciting homework. Super!
• Sleep.
• Get out and live. (this may be impacted by my parental units, sadly)

That is all.

• Cal Poly San Luis Obispo – waitlisted
• San Diego State University – accepted
• UC Berkeley – rejected
• UC Los Angeles – rejected
• UC San Diego – rejected
• UC Santa Barbara – accepted (after waitlist)
• UC Santa Cruz – accepted

At first I was considering seeing if I got into Cal Poly after waitlist stuff is over (I suppose I still will), but I figured UCSC is better science-wise, and after all my major is Bioengineering. San Diego State isn’t bad either, but I hear UCs are a lot better faculty-education wise? I’m not sure, but I kind of already liked UCSC from when I first interviewed someone who attends there during junior year. Plus I like the lovely Santa Cruz Beach. :)

So right, I’ve basically decided I will be going to UC SANTA CRUZ, but I still want to visit it before officially accepting. Plus, it’s required to decide the top five colleges I want to be affiliated with over there, and I’m still a bit indecisive on which ones. Hopefully when I visit, I’ll be more certain of which five.

I am a bit disappointed with the other UC results. I was hoping UCSD would take me, and UCLA and Cal were my tops. Nonetheless, I am absolutely relieved that I’ve gotten into places, and that I’ve gotten into a UC, which was my goal. I don’t know what I would’ve done if none of them had taken me. I probably should have applied to some privates, maybe that was a bad decision on my behalf. Oh well, too late!

Sorry if this was a lame read, not much interesting things have been happening. Yay Banana Slugs. And don’t you just love the picture below? :)

Banana Slugs, do they eat children?

On December 7th, it snowed. It wasn’t much, and it didn’t even reach my house. It did reach my school, and I felt as if I was in a “winter wonderland” – I rarely experience snow. Last time I did was a long time ago, I was very little, and barely remember. Especially this much, and it may not be a lot to some, but it was enough to make me laugh and forget that it was cold (or maybe it wasn’t), and just to enjoy the snow. It was the start of a brilliant week.

Throughout the week, lucky things happened to me. I would be late and still find a parking spot. I’d be rather cheery, and not fall asleep in class. I became friends with new people, especially someone who’s made my days a lot brighter… it was a good week. I say it was a lucky week, even though I don’t completely believe in luck. We make our own luck, don’t we? Maybe the happiness I got from the snow on Monday spread throughout the week.

The next week was a bit more cluttered, but I was still happy. In fact, I’ve been very happy lately, more happy than normal. I may seem super hyper and happy, but really I’m not all that hyper and happy. I just am able to stand through the day without breaking down, being upset, or showing it. It’s not hard to fake a smile or laugh. But these past couple weeks, I didn’t need to. I was really happy. Smiling, enjoying things, even if I didn’t do so well on a test, made a mistake somewhere along the way, etc, I was still happy, I would be positive. “I still have two more tests! Lot’s of time!” or “I’ll study more next time!” – I mean, why on earth should I let school frustrate me? Make me so upset? I don’t even like it that much, yet it’s controlling my emotions. So no, I’m not going to start failing classes and focusing on other things, I’m just not going to let my life be controlled by school.

And today, I made cookies. I covered them and green and red/pink frosting. I drove to my friend’s house and we had a Christmas party. (though I’m not exactly christian.. I have my own religion, one nobody else has, ever!!) Amazing meal, desert, games, movies, and lot’s of laughing. Kind of a rant following, but who needs drugs and alcohol and all that when you can be ‘high on laughter’! I definitely enjoyed the laughing. :)

It wasn’t a perfect day, unfortunately. I ran into some problems, almost did break down. Mistakes aren’t fun at all. But no worries, I’m calm now. It was a mistake, it’ll pass. It may look at me in the eye for a while but eventually I’ll forget it, or not care about it so much, like my mistakes in the past.

I think the snow did something to me, made me realize wow, the world is really beautiful. Because it is, isn’t it? When everything is covered in a blanket of white… Things seem so much more… fantastic… wonderful… happy. :) So enjoy the holidays, be warm and drink lots of hot cocoa (or coffee with cocoa in my case!). Meet with your family and friends, and be happy. Ignore all your mistakes, no matter how many you make. Who cares if it’s Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever other occasion. It’s just a nice time where we have a vacation from work, being stressed. A time where we can spend with eachother. Happiness is key. :)

So today, I finished my college applications! Well, yesterday technically. I am stress free! And marshmallows are stress free cause they are so soft and chewy. I think I’ve become a bit obsessed with marshmallows these days, and it’s not just because of Jacob’s “What a marshmallow.” line. I swear. I just love marshmallows.

And so, Marshmallows = Finishing College Apps = :)

Yay. Oh and sometimes I drop a couple marshies into my coffee/hot cocoa. Yum. :)

• College Applications (ugh) DONE!!
• National Novel Writing Month (given up, too late)
• Catch up on sleep, life
• Bring up quarter grades for the semester
• Write in this blog D:

I think I’m gonna need some extra caffeinated coffee! HAHA YAY. :D

Luckily I have Thanksgiving break to complete some of those things! And a not-so-random Veteran’s Day this Wednesday to sleep in :) Yay.